Sephiroth Meets Little Bear
by Sonuckles
Summary: What happens when Sephiroth and Jenova find the Promised Land of the Ancients right in Little Bear's back yard? Hillarity ensues.


**Sephiroth Meets Little Bear**

It was a sunny day in the forest. "Hey Duck, you can't catch me!", yelled Little Bear as he ran down the hill.

"Quack! Little Bear, wait up.", yelled Duck.

"Hi Little Bear!", yelled Emily as she waved to Little Bear.

"Hi Emily, why don't you come swimming with us?" yelled Little Bear.

"Oh, can Lucy come to?" asked Emily.

"Sure." yelled Little Bear.

"Hey, can I come?" asked Owl flying out of a tree?

"Me too." called Cat crawling out of a tree stump.

"I'm coming too." shouted Hen as she came out from behind a tree.

Together they happily and innocently ran to the pond. But little did they know about the encroaching doom that was about to befall them.  
"It's just a little further, Mother... Just... a... little... further." groaned Sephiroth as he struggled to drag his mother up one of the tallest hills he had ever seen. His mother, Jenova, looked less like a maternal figure and more like a ruined science fair experiment as she began shedding body parts left and right. "Whew! I thought we never would make it!" he exclaimed stretching his arms. "Oh wait, we're not at the top yet." he realized just as he let go of Jenova. Just then Jenova began tumbling down the hill while shedding body parts left and right. "No! Dang it! I am not dragging you back up here!" yelled Sephiroth determined not to turn back around. "Tch! She's always nagging me anyway, I shouldn't help her. But she is my mother..." thought Sephiroth. "I'm coming Mother!" he yelled as he ran back down the hill picking up the pieces of her decaying body.  
After three or four attempts, Sephiroth had finally made it up the hill. "Look Mommy, we've finally found our Promised Land. This is the place where the Lifestream connects the planet together. This is the perfect place to summon Meteor, wouldn't you agree?" asked Sephiroth.

Jenova just sat there limp. "No, Mother, we don't have to worry about that wretched Cloud stopping us this time, he doesn't even know that this place exists." "Well, it's late. We'll start summoning tomorrow. Good night, Mother. Tonight we are lowly vagabonds, but fear not. For tomorrow when you awake, we shall be as gods! Ahahaha!" Sephiroth shouted, immediately falling to the ground in a deep sleep.

"He's funny looking, isn't he, Emily?" whispered Little Bear as he hunched over Sephiroth's head.

"Yeah.", answered Lucy.

"And he's got such a comfy pillow too." said Cat crawling up on top of Jenova, and laying down.

"Eh... Cat, that's not a pillow." commented Owl.

"What is it then, Mr. Smarty-pants?" asked Cat.

"Maybe it's a pogo stick." guessed Little Bear.

"Nah, to big." responded Hen.

"Maybe it's a chair." she guessed.

"No silly," began Duck, "It's obviously a genetic experiment that was brutally torn from its environment, and dragged throughout the planet on a mission of global destruction, only to find its final resting place here."

They all looked at each other for a moment.

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaa!" they all laughed in unison.

"That's a good one Duck." gasped Cat.

"Mmmmm... I wonder what it could be." wondered Little Bear. "Pssssssst... hey mister! What is that thingy you've got there?" asked Little Bear vigorously shaking Sephiroth.

"Eh... go away Rufus! This donut is mine! Mmmmmmmmm..." muttered Sephiroth. "What?!" yelled Hen.

"Eh... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH, demons!" yelled Sephiroth as he jumped to his feet, shivering.

"Hahahaha, silly, we're not demons; we just want to know what that thing is over there." explained Emily as she pointed at the limp Jenova.

"Mother! What have they done to you... where's your head?!" screamed Sephiroth as he inspected the now headless Jenova.

"Oh, this is a head? We thought it was a kick ball." said Duck holding up Jenova's decapitated head which had a bunch of fresh dents and craters in it.

"NO! MOMMY! HOW COULD YOU, YOU... YOU FREAK!" yelled Sephiroth snatching the head from Duck's hands.

"I'm sorry, please don't be mad.", said Duck as she began to cry.

"Silence!" yelled Sephiroth. "I WAS going to summon Meteor tomorrow, but now I don't see why I can't summon insta-Meteor and get this over with. Now where's that manual", he said looking for his "Summoning Meteors and Other Magical Catastrophes for Dummies" book.

"Oh, you mean the story book? I tore out all the pretty pictures and put them in my scrap book of magazine and comic clippings." said Little Bear holding a portfolio filled with page after page of magazine clippings.

"You WHAT?!" yelled Sephiroth.

"Yeah, do you want to see it?" asked Little Bear shoving the portfolio in his face.

"Give me that, you impudent cur!" shouted Sephiroth snatching the portfolio from Little Bear's paws.

Little Bear responded, "I'm not a curd! I'm a bear, silly!"

Separoth stared at him blankly then began; "Now all I have to do is chant this garble. Yadda yadda, voodoo blah, nana banana booboo daw! There! It's on its way now! Prepare for sudden destruction!"

"Hahahaha, that was a silly rhyme, Mr. Black Cape. Do you know Little Miss Muffet?" asked Emily.

"Be gone little girl!" yelled Sephiroth as he blasted Little Bear and his friends down the hill with an invisible force field of evil.

"Wheeeeeee! That was fun Mr. Black Cape, could you do that again?" shouted Little Bear.

"GO AWAY!" yelled Mr. Black Cape... er... Sephiroth.

"Aw... you're no fun. We're leaving." said Little Bear.

Within minutes the sky had turned red and insta Meteor could be seen.

"Look... the sky is so pretty!" gasped Duck.

"That must be the shooting star Mr. Black Cape was talking about." noted Owl.

"So that's insta-Meteor... I know! Let's play tag!" shouted Little Bear. So they all began to prance about.

"Look at them Mother, watch them play, little do they know what destruction awaits them. Nothing can stop us now! NOTHING!" yelled Sephiroth.

Just then, an old GMC van pulled up beside Sephiroth. "Whadda ya mean nuttin' foo?!" yelled a mysterious voice from with in the van.

"Eh... excuse me? Who're you?" asked Sephiroth.

"I don't need no introduction, foo. You should know me pleanty good by now." said the voice.

"Oh dang! It's Mr. T!" cried Sephiroth.

"You got that right, foo! Now I'm gonna repel that jibba-jabba insta-Meteor by throwing you into it, foo." Mr. T grinned.

"Please Mr. T, don't throw me, I'll call it away." Sephiroth whimpered as he trembled before the awesome power that was T.

"Shut up, foo, it's too late now!" Just then Mr. T jumped out of the van, lifted Sephiroth with one hand, and cast him into the atmosphere landing a direct hit off of the insta-Meteor.

"Looks like Sephiroth is blasting off again!" yelled Sephiroth as he reached the planet's orbit. Within moments insta-Meteor and all of its traces had disappeared from the sky.

"Yea! Thanks, Mr. T, for saving us from Mr. Black Cape." yelled Little Bear.

"Yeah, yeah, kids. More importantly, have you been drinkin' yo milk?" Mr. T quizzed Little Bear and his friends.

Duck frowned. "No, Mr. T. I forgot to do that this morning."

"Well, there's yo problem. I tell you dis jibba-jabba cause it be true. Drink yo milk and get strong and foos like dat Black Cape emo won't come back no mo, you hear?"

"Yes, of course! We'll all do a better job drinking our milk!" Emily nodded. "Isn't that right everyone?"

All of the animals began to nod in agreement.

This warmed Mr. T's heart, and made hims break out into a big grin. "Now the thing is... what do we do with this pogo stick and kick ball here?" asked Mr. T as he picked up Jenova's head and body.

THE END


End file.
